For all of you gentleman dating out there, the words “let’s just be friends” can feel like a dagger to the heart. Especially if you thought there was a strong connection/chemistry. Or maybe you have been friends with someone for awhile and you’d like see if there’s something more. Either way, your instincts will either tell you to stick around as a “friend” to try and spark romantic interest, or to move on completely. We’ll review how to leave the friend zone (one way or another).
Follow the three keys below to remove yourself from this purgatory. You’ll notice that the biggest theme is focusing on yourself. Create the best version of you, and you’ll worry much less about the friend zone.
- Reassess yourself
- Improve yourself
- Go for it, or *actually* move on
Reassess yourself
If you find yourself stuck in the friend zone, or if you’ve recently been rejected by someone, you may think the other person failed to see “the real you,” and they just need time to actually see it. Or you think they date the wrong kind of person, and by sticking around you can change their perspective.
Regardless of what you think, you need to take a step back and honestly assess yourself. Maybe you aren’t bringing as much value to the table as you thought. Or perhaps you don’t express yourself well enough. As a gentleman, you should always seek to improve yourself, and this situation presents the ideal opportunity by asking the questions below.
- Does your career lack direction?
- Have your standards slipped in taking care of your appearance and health?
- Do your hobbies consist solely of watching sports and drinking beer with your friends?
- Do all of your dates consist of the same thing (like taking someone out to dinner)?
Improve yourself
Now that you’ve given yourself an honest assessment, take action to improve yourself. Obviously this will benefit you outside of dating, but women quickly notice when a man starts making positive changes.
- If you want to get in better shape, we have a ton of resources.
- Same with upgrading your style.
- Keep building a valuable skillset. If it pertains to your current job, keep looking for ways to become more knowledgeable or valuable in your field (read books, talk to people a couple steps ahead in the game, etc…). You should spend 1-2 hours per day outside of your normal work day building up your skills if you want to make forward progress.
- If you don’t like your current job, find a new job, start a side-hustle, or figure out a way to build your own sources of income. A man in a rut is not an attractive proposition for anyone.
- Take on an exciting hobby.
- Find some common interests and google good date ideas for those interests (concerts, hiking, outdoor sports, wine tasting, etc…) to offer more excitement.
If you want women to take you seriously, you must work on yourself. Women respect consistent effort towards improvement and react well to a go-getter. Improving yourself is a major key on how to leave the friend zone.
Remember, your money and looks are not as much of a priority as you think when it comes to dating. Women will date broke musicians and artists because they have interesting pursuits and have a lot of general excitement in their lives. Make sure you build up your interesting, fun, and exciting side.
Go for it, or *actually* move on
If you have floated around in a friend zone situation for a while or have been on a few dates, make a move. A gentleman should effectively communicate his emotions and face the consequences either way. Sometimes the friend zone is a result of a fear of failure – it allows you to be around a person without actually being rejected, but you’ll never get what you want.
If this move results in you remaining in the friend zone, then you should *actually* move on. Don’t be a jerk about it (be cordial if you run into each other), just be firm in the fact that you are not interested in anything less than a romantic relationship.
While it may seem counterintuitive to distance yourself, the mindset shift is important. You need to establish your standards and spend your time and energy with someone who wants to date you. And if it doesn’t work out, you must genuinely move on – don’t do this as part of a game or scheme to get the other person back. These attempts to manipulate someone are transparent and usually backfire.
Moving yourself out of the friend zone will change your perspective and allow you to fully appreciate your own value. And truly going for what you want will gain you the respect of the person who left you in the friend zone. Sometimes this can lead to their feelings changing, sometimes not. But remember, that’s not why you should move on.
These three keys show you how to leave the friend zone. Sometimes it’s working on yourself a bit that will attract another person. Sometimes properly communicating your feelings will do the trick. Other times, it’s best to value your time and energy and move on yourself.