What is it to be a man these days? It’s hard to know. With so many different influences telling us to do and be so many different things, how do we even define masculinity, and is it something we should strive for? The answer should be yes. The world needs masculine energy channeled in the right way. We’ll discuss the foundation for how to be more masculine, and how it can benefit yourself and everyone around you.
The type of masculinity we’ll discuss is not the fake toxic masculinity that can come to mind. This type of overly-macho, overcompensation for inner insecurity is a destructive force. We believe that masculinity uplifts yourself and those around you. It is a positive force. And while it may seem like there’s a war on masculinity, real men rise above this knowing that they have the agency and individual responsibility to improve their sphere of influence.
It isn’t just a physical thing either. A better physique and dressing well can help, but that alone can leave you an empty shell if you don’t work on what’s inside first. Masculinity starts with your mindset and psychology, which then should radiate from your physical self.
Below are the building blocks of how to be more masculine.
- Have a mission
- Respect yourself
- Lead others
- Project physical wellness
- Stand by your values
Have a mission
You won’t get anywhere noteworthy in your life without a mission or a vision for which you strive. Men need challenges. Our forefathers struggled against countless obstacles to get you here. Now it’s your turn.
You can easily tell a man on a mission vs. someone who drifts aimlessly in the world. Even if you don’t currently have a mission, it’s ok, you can define this for yourself in a day or two of looking inside. It’s the first step in how to be more masculine.
If you can’t define your mission/vision for your life, you can try the following to get yourself thinking more long-term.
Creating your mission
Sit down with a pen and paper and envision yourself 10 years from now, 20 years from now, and in your last decade. What is your dream life at these milestones? What are you doing for work? Where do you live? What do you look like? What is a typical day? Do you have kids/grandkids? What will you have wanted to accomplish at these points in time?
Be very specific, and write down the answers to these questions and anything else you can envision about the future. Don’t be afraid to dream big and ask yourself what you really want.
Congratulations, you now have a vision of what you want your life to be. And the best part is, it’s your vision. If you want to change course, simply update your vision accordingly. It’s best to do this exercise at least once per year to make sure you are working towards what you really want. The key is giving yourself direction, so you can make forward progress, then recalibrate as you go. This is how the first ships found America, after all.
The next part is a little harder. For each part of your vision, work back to today. What do you need to do within a year, 3 years, and 5 years to be on track for your vision. Write this down too.
You have a vision of who you want to be, and a general idea of what it will take to get there. This is your mission. It’s up to you to start taking those steps. You can lay out these steps in very small increments, starting with daily habits. The daily drive towards your mission provides the foundation for all positive masculinity.
Respect yourself
A mission will help with your ability to respect yourself, and self-respect is one of the cornerstones of how to be more masculine. You understand that you have one life and fulfilling your vision takes time, energy, and commitment. Anything distracting you from your mission will be easier to dismiss. You have something valuable to achieve.
Respect for yourself comes from how much you value your time, energy, and effort, and not allowing outside forces to take away these valuable resources.
For instance, if you are working with someone on a business venture, and this person is consistently late, unclear, or doesn’t fulfill their expectations, you should have the self respect to address this person properly. Because your time and effort is valuable, you can’t have others taking away from your work. If they don’t respond to your request, then you must have the self-respect to seek a solution without this person, even if they are a friend (doesn’t mean you ditch the person completely without trying to help, it just means you can’t have someone dragging you down).
The example from above applies for dating as well. Is someone playing games with you, not committing, or you think they’re not being honest? Have the self respect to leave this person behind and seek someone who is 100% with you.
Even a solid mission can be derailed by a lack of self respect. This will allow others to dictate your time and energy. Masculinity is knowing that you do have a lot of control of certain aspects of your life, and you can choose to align with your mission whenever you want.
Lead others
Leadership is a key attribute of how to be more masculine. You should be able to inspire the confidence of others, whether it’s friends, family members, or work colleagues. Taking care of the first two points here will automatically help lead others by example.
And sometimes leading by example is enough. Other times you must step up and take a leadership role and help others.
For example, if you are an experienced gym-goer and see someone new in the gym trying to figure things out, you definitely shouldn’t look down upon this person like you’re better than they are. Even a side-eyed look to make yourself feel better only serves to show your insecurity. A show of masculinity and leadership would be to help uplift this person. Maybe ask them what exercise they’re trying to do, or if they’d like help (and if they decline, at least you tried to do the right thing).
This principle applies to every other aspect of your life. If you find your vision and mission and then start to look down upon others who are trying to figure it out (or haven’t yet figured it out), you are only serving to make yourself feel better. Whether it’s at work or with your family and friends, you should try to radiate positive energy so others can follow suit.
And some people may not follow. That’s ok. Your example matters for those who are willing to follow, and will determine with whom it is worth building your vision.
Project physical wellness
As we discussed earlier, masculinity goes deeper than physical appearance. But your physical appearance and wellness does put out an image into the world. A man understands this fact and projects a positive, mature, and put-together presence.
Being fit shows that you have standards for yourself. Having standards requires effort, and putting effort into yourself sends a strong signal to the outside world. It shows that you care about yourself, have discipline, can be trusted to care about your responsibilities (work, relationships, building your life), and are willing to put in the work to achieve a goal.
For more insight, check out this article for why health and fitness matters. And check out this article for how to most easily increase your testosterone, the hormone that fuels your masculine pursuits. Need a workout program? Find one here that suits your goals.
Find a good balance on what you project to the world. Appearance is nothing without substance, and over-obsessing on it can be just as bad as not caring at all.
Stand by your values
If you have a mission, you’ve hopefully developed some values around your vision. No one should tell you what these values are – you alone can determine what’s most important.
Some people aim to always uphold honesty, integrity, hard work, mastery of your craft, building and leading a family, maintaining friendships and social connections, or any number of other values. These values should align with your vision and mission.
Maintaining your masculinity means standing by your most important values, even when it’s difficult. You can’t be all things to everyone, so determine what you will not compromise, and stick to that. A man who is wishy-washy in adhering to his values will have trouble fulfilling his mission.
Summary
Notice how we did not mention anything about being stoic/unemotional, or never crying, or thinking men are superior. These all focus on things you shouldn’t do, and is therefore a negative approach. This is not how to be more masculine.
Real masculinity is positive and uplifting to yourself and everyone around you. Define your mission, respect yourself, lead others, take care of yourself, and stand by your values. This will lead you closer to the masculinity this world needs.