We all have a natural inclination and need to fit in. From our earliest days as a human species, being an accepted part of the tribe meant you had a better chance to survive the harsh conditions of our ancestors. Otherwise we’d be left to fend for ourselves, which greatly decreased our chances of survival. This instinct still lives on in us, but times have changed dramatically. Read on to explore how to not fit in.
We’ve all encountered some sort of urge to fit in. And we’ve all given in to peer pressure at some point. Whether it was wearing the right brand of clothes in high school, or talking a certain way, or doing something we weren’t comfortable doing, or even partaking in unethical/illegal activities.
We don’t need to do most things anymore for the sole purpose of fitting in. This includes your clothing choices, your workout routine, your career, or your chosen social circles.
I’m not saying you need to quit your job, or not to care about what you wear, or to stop working out, or to abandon your social circle. I’m saying the opposite. You should do these things for yourself, not because you want to fit in. You should do these things because they are good for you, because they bring you joy, and because they maximize your potential as a man.
A true gentleman forges his own path. Even though it’s easier to follow the crowd, true satisfaction comes from building your own life to your unique identity.
Style is a great analogy for how this principle applies to your life. Remember when skinny jeans became a fashion trend for men? For some, this style of pants flattered their physique. For others, mostly those with a gut and no butt muscles or skinny legs, it made them look worse. Yet many persisted with wearing this style, motivated by fitting in, even though it looked objectively terrible.
Don’t do this with your life.
How you can go your own way
Fashion – We talk about some trend proof basics you should have for your wardrobe, which can help if you need some direction. But you ultimately have to use advice like this to decide what looks best on you. Find clothes that flatter your physique for a more confident, put-together, masculine appearance.
Fitness – As far as appearance goes, clothes can only do so much if you’re not in great shape. You shouldn’t workout to look like someone else. You only have to realize that your body will eventually break down, and it’s up to you to maximize its utility and health while you can. Do this in whatever way pleases you the most. Set a goal or find a physical activity you love, and the motivation to stay fit and healthy will not be a problem.
As Socrates said, “it is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
Career – The same principles apply here. Don’t spend 40, 50, 60+ hours a week for decades doing something that you think will make someone else happy. Figure out your mission for your life’s work, and get good at a skillset to achieve this mission. But don’t be a lawyer/doctor/banker/etc… because you think your parents/society/family will love you more.
One caveat, you do need to be able to provide for yourself and your family as a man. Don’t look for an excuse to quit your job and ignore your responsibilities. If you are in a job that you really don’t like but need to care for yourself and/or your family, look for a long-term way out. Save some money, learn a skill on the side, or use your network to explore a career change.
Social Circle – Ditch any friends who don’t support your work to improve yourself. This may not be easy with longer-term friends. But you don’t want to spend significant amounts of time with people who suck the energy out of your pursuit to maximize your life. This may sound disloyal, but exiting toxic relationships, even for a short amount of time, will open up your world to so many difference possibilities. Don’t be afraid to not fit in with these people if they don’t like who you are.
Women – You shouldn’t do anything just because you think it will impress women. It hardly ever works. If you want more success with women, you should focus on yourself. Once you are on a path to maximizing your potential, women will become more attracted to you.
There’s a big difference here, since your pursuit of success and excellence is genuine and self-motivated. If it is ONLY motivated to attract women, this superficial pursuit will attract the wrong kind of woman. It’s easy for women to tell the difference.
If you’re always trying to fit in, your are inherently only trying to influence someone else’s opinion of yourself. A gentleman makes his own unique mark and attracts the type of people who are drawn to this strong sense of self. You should strive to be this gentleman.
